remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
