Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
