WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
