So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize