R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
