apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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