If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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