last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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