Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
