Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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