Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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