new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
