I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
