Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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