so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
