He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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