She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
