Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
