come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You have to summon your inner elephant
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
