It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
