Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
