just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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