she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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