you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
