I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
