it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
