if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
