Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
