Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
