I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
