So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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