I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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