my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
