Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
