She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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