So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
