ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
