I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize