Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Who died my cat blue again?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
