my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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