I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
