speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
