Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize