I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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