My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
