just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
