i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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