Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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