my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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