didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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