i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
