He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
