he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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