it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We got so high we made milksteak
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I did not marry a roomba.
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