Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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