dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize