My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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