dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
