I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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