happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
