question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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