Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize