On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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