just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
