I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
