Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
