when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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