3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
