Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
