please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
