Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
