Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
