You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You smell like stripper and shame
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
