In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
