Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
