I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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