Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
