I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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