New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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