I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
