Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
