Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i don't like sucking hair
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
