Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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