I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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