There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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